So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
