i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
