no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
