How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
