Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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