Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize