I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
