I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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