I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
