You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
third nipple confirmed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
