That's intense
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
