i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize