I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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