I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
