yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
