your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
