i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
