I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
