Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do vagina's smell?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
