i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize