just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
