you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
