We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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