i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
