My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
