Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
