i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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