So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
