I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
