Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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