Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
