I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
