you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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