Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
