I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
