Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize