we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize