Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
