So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Pooping to opera.
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