are you so shy because you have an std?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you would pick up someone in the library
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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