and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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