we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize