Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do herpes really smell.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
