Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
