So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
