rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
