well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
