So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize