I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
