That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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