I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize