6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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