The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
