my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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