my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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