I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
