I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who died my cat blue again?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
