Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
