I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
