i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
