My cat gives me a boner
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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