we're chasing vodka with high fives
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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