Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
