dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
