His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
