fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
