Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She said her name was "party"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
