Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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