wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You ate ashes out of my bong
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
