I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
