are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
