fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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