my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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