We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
