According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
