how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
