I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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