When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
