So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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